POLITICAL SATIRE
(The Keynote Speaker's identification has been withheld to protect the innocent
and for purpose of confidentiality)
Dearly Beloved, Our Fellow Citizens of the World. We are gathered today to speak as Experts of that which we know very little about; planet earth. Some have accused us of wrong doing. They (far left wing conspiracy group) say we have contributed to global warming in our business activities. They say we have largely contributed to contamination and devastation of the wilderness, deforestation, and rape of virgin territories.
To this we say, Hogwash! There are no virgin territories. And as for the land; just how can we destroy that which is non-living? I mean to say, is this planet earth not mainly comprised of rocks, dirt, water & other similar stuff? People, It is NOT ALIVE! We are just going about our daily business of doing what we do best, and taking that which is rightfully ours. Isn't making a profit from others what all businesses do? We can't help it if we are bigger, better and require more energy to stay on the top. The little people and the scientists are just spreading HOGWASH!
Now this being said, don't get us wrong. It is not that we don't care. We have children too, much like yours, except they are better looking and have everything they need financially, such as good schools, sex and education.... But otherwise they are exactly like your kids... We want what is best for them too.
Believe Us. There is NO GLOBAL WARMING. Is there not still snow in Alaska? Some ice may be melting, but that is what ice does, and it will freeze again. These people are JEALOUS and IGNORANT. These so-called scientists are DREAMERS; dreaming up artificial "cry wolf" notions to the public from their trumped up computers. But we, the Corporate Arms of the World, have to work hard to get where we are. If we need to use up most of the earth's resources to stay in business, well, it is a risk we are willing to take. We must all make sacrifices.
If we need certain land to do our work, well then some of the wild things just have to go. It is not like the wild animals are our pets, you know. They are in the way of PROGRESS. It's sad, but that is just the way it is.
People are talking about everything up and dying. Well if this true, there would be more dead carcasses lying around. Just look around you. Do you see anything dying more than usual? NO! Its just a RUSE to get your juices running... to get you all riled up to go against the flow! the scientists lie and they cheat. They "tweek" figures in their earth climate calculations, but we know what we are doing! They may need to manipulate figures to get them to turn out right just for the record, but we have the proper tools in place to make things do what we need them to do. If we say we are doing our best to be environmentally conscious, it is the so-called TRUTH. They are the LIARS!
We are not Heartless Mega Corporations as they would like you to believe. We give to Charities. Hell, all the time, so it is not like we are shirking our Civic and Worldly Responsibilities. You People should be thankful! If it wasn't for us, people would not be where they are today! So we just need to forget all this frivolous worry and get back to our important business of doing that which we do best. For us it is making a fistful of Money. I'm not sure what you are doing, but just keep on doing it. It has been working just right for all of us.
Enough said, Gotta get back to making money to keep the world running. The "Green People", and Scientists are just TRYING TO SCARE YOU to put us out of business. Don't believe them! If we were out of business, then just where would You People be?....
WHOA.... Wait a minute! What the Hell was that? A SHE YETI?.... Which way did she go... Where's My Rifle....
Are we still on the Air ... (Someone Turn that thing Off)....
(Contributed by Cheryl E Gordon, aka Muffyjo)
12/11/09
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